Paranoia is getting worse, I can see that.
What did I expect? What did anybody expect?
I would really like to know.
People like me shoudn't be let out in the world. We think we're unstoppable. And in some cases, we are.
And in others...
I understand what I'm doing, I understand what I've been doing. I just don't know precisely why I've been doing it. To prove something, I'm sure. Something will be proven.
If it kills me.
Label me whatever you want, I know what I'm doing. And I'm sure it will be the death of me. I still have things to ask of you.
The world may be falling apart in front of me, but I've still got a plan.
I feel almost as if I'm looking for pain. Anything to find the answers. Anything to find the answers.
I had the most disturbing dream earlier tonight. I'm sure it was the Cough Medicine that caused it.
But what disturbs me most is that the dream may come true. It's the smallest thing too..But it was ever so disturbing. To me, at least.
I wish I was normal. Maybe I'd be thought of and looked at by the world as a different person. A person of who's thoughts are worth listening to, a person who might be able to be given a chance. But I am not normal.
I never will be. And that is my fault. I take the blame.
I knew this was coming, I anticipated it someday.
To think it was the day that I was not prepared for it.
Inflicted on myself. But I refuse to give up.
And that is my major fault. A flaw, that will never be able to be fixed.
It almost makes me ask, why me?
But for now, schoolwork should be focused upon. No matter how hard that may become.
Never give up, don't take shit. Don't give a shit.
There is a reason for everything, everything I do is done for a reason.
It's just hard to understand, hard to judge, it needs explained. All the time.
Is there anything I can do to change it? To refute it?
Probably not. But I really hope that somewhere there is.
I never meant any harm. Looking for answers to infinate questions is difficult to understand, is all.
I'm difficult to understand.
I know why that is.
Denial is also a factor. That will also kill me. It has so far.
It's hard to face facts, when everything changes so quickly. And so frequently.
Never steadfast,
Never going to give up. Not until my heart stops.
Which might not be long.
Who knew things could be so difficult. I knew.
Good karma is always followed by bad.
I've had bad karma my entire life. It was only that small bit of time that It looked as if it was going to change.
Things were doing so well.
At least I'm used to bad karma, bad luck, a bad life.
I just wish that it would all happen to someone who needs it to happen.
Walk a mile in my shoes, and only then will you understand why I do what I do.
but fornow, I remain misunderstood, judged, stereotyped. Fine. But how do you think that makes me feel?
Do you think I'm proud of what I've done? Do you think it was and is easy for me? Do you really think I never hesitated? Never felt fear?
Do you really think I don't care?
And do you think I like what you're doing? I do not approve of it. Not at all.
But then again, what are my thoughts worth? What do I care? I only think of myself. I only wonder about what's in it for me.
because I'm a Walauskas. And we all think like that.
We're all alike.
I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here.
Gentlemen.
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