I should be doing the homework I was assigned. Oh well. I looked throughout it and I don't really like it anyway.
This weekend was like the past few, pretty not much known. I like how people everywhere think that because someone sits around all day in front of a computer means that they're never going to amount to anything in life, or, that seems to be the assumption.
Not true. Maybe the kid has nowhere else to go. Usually the people who make these assumptions live in an area where there's a Grocery store or any kind of anything within walking distance. I envy these people. They say they're bored, when there's everything at their fingertips.
If someone sits at the computer, it doesn't mean they've got no ambition to do anything, it means they've got nothing to do. I'm always at the face of my computer machine--turning into a machine myself. But if I lived in a more populated area, Maybe I would go do something. Or, at least give Leroy a rest. I can't do art- there's no inspiration. I can't go outside, it's cold. I do go outside through, but to do what? All I do is walk, sit down somewhere and contemplate my whole situation. And it sickens me. Contemplating the same thing over and over, wanting so badly to fix it.
Going to bed every single night with the feeling on unaccomplishment. Knowing that it needs to be fixed, repaired, But knowing that it is not within your power to do so.
Knowing that the element that destroyed it wasn't even your fault, yet you still suffer for it.
To know that numerous promises have not been kept, is depressing, and disappointing.
To have the feeling that, something you want to fix, is almost impossible to fix,
kills me.
I don't want to move on. There's nothing to move on to for me.
I bet your town has never been photographed with a Holga, or a Diana.
I can understand why you're never to talk to. You've got better things to do. Your town is lovely. Your family is lovely, I'm sure. You've got better things to do. You've got more friends who live close by, you've got more opportunities. You've got more everything.
I envy everything about you.
EDIT: Spoke to father. He should know by now that I don't talk to my family.
I'm still hesitant about going up there for X-mas. I asked him what we'd be doing while We were up there. He said he doesn't know what we'd be doing--we're not there yet.
He doesn't know how to plan ahead of time. That worries me.
Thus I remain hesitant. I don't know If I want to go up there or not. I want to see my dad. Do not think I don't.
He asked me If Luke wants to come up. When I said I don't know he told me to go ask him.
I can't do that. I can't talk to Luke. I don't talk to anybody in my family.
As far as I know I occupy this house alone [which is why I remain my room all the time.]
I can't stand the stupidity of them. That's another fault of being smarter than everyone else. You can't stand to hear stupid things uttered.
Father's being stubborn again. with my not able to talk to Luke he assumes yet again That I do not want to come up. I can't tell him that I don't know if I want to come up or not, that I don't like where he lives. He will fully assume that I do not love him.
The last Time I expressed my true feelings about the situation to my father I got yelled at for it.
Never again.
He can't talk to mom about it.
He expects me to communicate to a family that I can't stand to talk to. By myself.
It's a war. And I'm caught in the crossfire.
The house..or..'house' is also a mess. I can't stand to be outside of my room. It's a task to have to go to the bathroom.
Just because We live in barn doesn't mean we're animals.
Just because I live in a barn does not mean I am an Animal.
Humanology- The study of the Homosapian species, usually executed by individuals who believe they are too superior to be called human, or are in fact not human but still capable of tasks humans perform.
No comments:
Post a Comment