Nothing muchn to say, since I am currently outside and it is quite cold, and I can't really feel the fingers I am typing with, nor Can I see my computer screen because I hve it angled downward so I casn see my eyboard, there will and already is many tyypos. Bear with me.
Internet connecitivity is down at my house And I odn;t relly know why..again. I think it's just my computer. Oh well.
I'm still worriued.
My hope along wiht my mental health is deteriorating by the day.
I know that much.
I feel like a ghost.

EDIT: I have the ability to type again. The Internet seems to be better.
I'm not going to edit the top, Or else I would just have to delete all of it because It wouldn't make any sense.
I don't know.
I enjoy to rant I guess. Better than keeping it all in, then when I want to piss and moan again I can look at all I wrote so I don't repeat anything, or if I need to address anything again.


It won't be very long until I forget everything. I'm already forgetting what I talk about in mid-sentence. That's a good thing. It confuses people and keeps me okay. I don't care what people think. I hate people. I don't know really what to do. I guess I could just do whatever I want. I guess. Oh well. Not like it could benefit any less then what I am right now.
I could not be in worse mental shape than i am now.
Er..Wait, yes I can. But I don't really want to think about it. I still wish I could type.
I wish I knew the English language.As for my mental state, to avoid it from getting worse I have to do what I've been planning to do. to get rid of it, or stop it from happeneing, or destroy it, or, something, whatever stage it is in right now, I have to ixnay it.
When I grow Up I want to lay down in random places outside and point a camera up to the sky and wait for something to happen. Preferably a field of some sort. I'm going to be a scatterbrain.
When I grow up I'm going to do
Nothing.


I will not gve up on my father. But I am close..
I've even turned to God for some kind of repose... Flipping through pages of the small New Testament print my father gave to me around three years ago. Around there.
I miss him.